Delivering us from evil

"A man in the crowd answered, 'Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech.  Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground.  He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid.'
Jesus asked the boy's father, 'How long has he been like this?'
'From childhood,' he answered...'if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.'
'If you can?' said Jesus.  'Everything is possible for him who believes.'
'Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help my unbelief!'"
Mark 9:17-18, 21-24

What is this spirit, for me? Is it the spirit of self-condemnation, that inner critical voice that "throws me to the ground" whenever I try to speak?  Is it the spirit of perfectionism?  The spirit of fear or worry?  The spirit of dismal forebodings?  The spirit of envy and self-comparison? 

The effects may not be physical.  But I am thankful that this verse shares the physical manifestations of these inward evil spirits, to show how dangerous, how crippling, they are. 

How long have I been like this, Jesus asks? How long have I been carrying this spirit of  __(insert one of the above)___. 

The man answers, "from childhood," and, reflecting that his son has been afflicted for almost his entire life, it seems that his next words reveal a faltering hope - If you CAN, take pity on us and help us."

Sometimes it feels that we have been carrying that evil spirit for so long that if Jesus were able to heal it, He could have done so by now.  Sometimes the length of time itself causes us to lose hope of a cure, or true, deep, real healing. 

I wonder if Jesus was sort of joking when he repeats, "If you CAN?" He is calling the man out on his hopelessness.  He is revealing to the man that he is afraid to hope.
 
And then, that great response of the man, so honest: "I do believe, help my unbelief." 

Jesus brings about the required healing, but with seemingly disastrous results.  The evil spirit comes out of the boy, but now the boy also appears to be dead. 

Sometimes I wonder if I carry my evil spirits because I don't know how to live without them.  If I don't criticize myself, maybe someone else will see my mistakes and I will fail in the world's eyes.  If I don't take the time to worry about possible things going wrong, maybe I will be unprepared for bad occurences.  If Jesus were to heal me, could I survive without these little crutches that I have depended on for so long?

That is where Jesus comes in and answers the question I cannot answer.  Although the boy appears dead without his evil spirit, Jesus comes and takes him by the hand, and brings him to his feet. 

Sometimes our own healing cannot happen in moments, as in this story.  Perhaps we are being healed slowly, in degrees, and Jesus is lifting us up, slowly by degrees, helping us stand up without our evil spirits.   Sometimes the delivering part is the work of a lifetime, and that's okay.