"Don't get too excited about the party we're having," I remember my mom saying when I was five or so (wandering around the house getting VERY excited), "you'll get your hopes up."
"What is getting your hopes up?" I asked.
"It's when you expect things to be so good that when they happen, you are disappointed," she said.
As a five-year-old with a big imagination and strong emotions, I took this advice very much to heart. I even remember consciously telling myself not to get too excited for things, trying to overcompensate by imagining all the negative things that would probably happen.
This seemed to work for awhile, keeping my enormous excitement at bay. As Fanny Burney wrote in the 1700s, after all, "to diminish expectation is to increase enjoyment."
I think there is wisdom in this whole idea of bridling our hopes, and yet, at least for me, there have been consequences.
1) This long-formed habit of trying to diminish my hopes by imagining negative outcomes has led to excessive worrying and fear of the future, rather than simply a disposition to be happily surprised by it.
2) While it is good not to try to expect too much of people and human circumstances, it is very easy to apply the same low expectations toward God too. I have found myself praying, and then saying, "well, it is best not to expect too much from God, otherwise I will be disappointed if He does nothing."
This way of thinking presupposes that my prayer may be useless, and also teaches me not to lean on God.
Recently, I was talking with a friend, explaining a problem and suggesting certain outcomes which I thought were probable.
"But you're thinking too small," she said. "You're solving the problem according to your own resources, imagination, memory, and gifts, and forgetting that God is beyond all of these things."
Maybe"bridled" hope isn't really hope. It has led me to ask a few tough questions:
*When I pray, do I actually believe that God will hear and answer, or can hear and answer? Do I believe that God really has it, beyond what I can see?
*At what cost do I bridle my hope in God? At what cost do I expect nothing from Him? I am trying to save myself from disappointment in case He does not answer, but I am also withholding my full trust, and leaving myself unavailable for the gifts He might choose to bestow.
And this leads to an even tougher question:
*How can I consiously grow in the virtue of authentic hope, where I am able to ask and trust in the big plans of God? After all, David did it in the Bible when He hoped for God to be on his side in fighting Goliath. Here are a few ideas I can come up with.
-Study and fill my life with examples of people who have regularly exercised confidence in God. Some great ones are (from Scripture): Hannah, David, Joseph, Mary, the widow who made the cake for Elijah, the soldier whose son Jesus cured, etc. Some saints - St. Theresa of Avila, St. Francis de Sales, St. Vincent de Paul, St. Therese of Lisieux. Other people I have admired - Catherine Marshall, Elisabeth Elliot, Jim Elliot, Corrie Ten Booth.
-Actually entrust things to God, thanking Him in advance for the gift, whatever the outcome.
-(an idea I got from Francine Rivers' Reddeming Love): write the prayer out, and then put it in a box, and refuse to call it to mind any more - it now belongs to God. Later, open the box and see how many of the prayers really were answered.
-cultivate gratitude in my daily life - make a practice of seeing how things have worked out for good in God's timing
-gardening - seeing the slow process of growth and beauty.
